‘Find your voice!’ What does that mean, exactly? Let me tell you a story or two.

A few years ago, a student named Max stood at the front of my university classroom with his team to present on The Line – that futuristic, eco-forward city being built in the Middle East.

He’d done everything right. He had:

• researched his topic thoroughly
• structured his presentation to keep it engaging
• designed the perfect, sleek, interesting slides
• prepared notes instead of relying on a memorized script.
• practiced over and over with his team, in the mirror, even to his unsuspecting cat.

And he still froze.

I watched with a sinking dread as his shoulders crept upwards towards his ears. He held his breath. The notes crumpled and trembled in his hands – hands that were getting sweatier by the second.

Max and his team just about made it to the finish line of their presentation. It was, quite frankly, awful. And they knew it. My heart shattered as the team despondently trudged back to their seats, with Max whispering, “I’m terrible at this” under his breath.

Watching this brilliant, diligent, bright young man, who otherwise had such a unique voice, look so forlorn as he willed the classroom walls to swallow him whole, did something to me. Something inside quietly but suddenly just…broke. Like a burst dam, a sense of “Enough” washed over me.

Because this wasn’t just about Max, it was about every vibrant student I’ve watched crumble under the weight of public speaking. It was about every professional whose inner critic has been so strong that it’s no wonder they’ve felt less-than, sidelined, passed over, talked over… ignored. It was about the years I spent trapped there myself.

And it was the moment I realised:
Finding your voice has less to do with talent and everything to do with the body that carries it.

When I was at uni, I presented on a forensic chemistry case. We’d been given a real case to solve and my team and I went ALL IN on this. When it came time to present our findings, my teammates were confident – almost absurdly so. I had every reason to feel prepared.

But the second I stood up, I felt heat flush my cheeks. The nape of my neck was damp with sweat. My legs turned to jelly. And internally, a single terrifying thought looped on repeat

Everyone thinks I don’t belong here.

Even though our team actually won the friendly class competition (we were the only team that cracked the case), I walked away convinced that my shaky voice and red face were personal flaws. Something is wrong with me. Something embarrassing.

These symptoms persisted. Every presentation, every interview, every time I felt put on the spot, every social interaction that meant meeting someone new – I felt these same horrible nerves creep back in. It was my “normal”. Just something that happened to me that I had to endure.

It was during work meetings that I noticed the real damage. When called upon to speak, I found myself frequently getting talked over, interrupted, and pushed aside. For a long time, I blamed the sound of my voice: Was it too high-pitched? Did I sound too young? Too apologetic? Too… everything? I had heard of voice types – did I have the wrong one? Goodness – should I be taking voice lessons on a regular basis? Did I need to hire a vocal coach?

​Every interruption seemed to cement in me this idea that I wasn’t good enough. That I didn’t deserve to be heard. If I just knew my stuff better, then people would listen. That Chad, the chronic interruptor, was just arrogant, and this was the culture and the times I lived in. Beyond my control.

I slowly gave up. I stayed quiet. I chose silence instead in favour of the pain of being interrupted or ignored yet again. In favour of speaking like a timid question mark with flushed cheeks, sweaty palms, and a shaky voice.

But it wasn’t until years later, during a trauma-informed yoga training, that someone finally said:

“This is your nervous system. Not your personality.”

Everything changed.

Most people think shaky speaking is a confidence problem. That you need better communication skills.

It’s not. It’s a problem with nervous system activation. And to be honest, it’s not even a problem. It’s your nervous system working PERFECTLY to protect you, to keep you safe. Max’s body was doing everything it was designed to do. Every time I spoke in front of others, my body was doing the same, protecting me from the “threat” of a scary, judgmental audience who might reject me just for existing.

When your body senses threat – real or imagined – it shifts into protection mode:

• shoulders lift

• breath shortens

• voice tightens

• hands tremble

• cheeks flush

• legs shake

• heart races

When I say “find your voice”, know that your voice hasn’t just vanished. Your body simply makes it feel impossible to use. This is why conventional public speaking ‘hacks’ like “just speak louder!” or “pretend everyone is naked!” never work. They don’t address the root of the problem – nervous system regulation. (And, to be honest, who really wants to imagine their audience naked? My bosses are lovely, but…)

This is the foundation you need to find your voice and speak as your authentic self.

If I could offer every anxious speaker one tool – one tiny, powerful physical reset – it’s this:

Yes, really. This will signal to your body that you’re OK. Actually, make it a point to remind yourself to do this 10x a day. We are more tense than we notice, and tense people have hunched shoulders – the body is literally preparing for battle. It’s bracing itself. By forcing the opposite movement, we override this reaction and signal to the body, “Hey, it’s OK. I’m still here with you and we are OK.” So make it your new habit to relax (not force) your shoulders down.

Similar to the shoulders hunching up around your ears, your face will tense up. This could manifest as a tight jaw, pursed lips, frowning, or bunching the eyebrows, lip biting, and so forth. In my case, I frown. Max? He would bite his lips. In both our cases, we looked and felt anything but confident. At the same time you relax your shoulders, take a moment t relax your forehead, cheeks, and jaw. This will help stimulate the body’s rest response. It will slowly learn to feel steadier every time you do this.

Belly breath. Just be sure to keep your shoulders and face relaxed as you breathe in deeply. We tend to raise our shoulders when we breathe in. Pay attention to this. Keeping your shoulders relaxed will make this breath far more effective. Inhale and exhale through the nose, as this increases the efficacy of the breath in making you and your body feel more at ease.

That’s it.

Simple doesn’t mean ineffective. The shift is almost immediate. This is precisely the type of stuff I teach inside my free Telegram channel, the Steady Speaker Circle. Because when the body steadies, the voice follows naturally. THAT is the secret to use to find your voice.

When I watched Max berate himself for something that he thought was just a “flaw”, I internally lost it.

Not only did Max’s experience hurl me back through time and space to that horrible forensic chemistry presentation, but it also took me through a rollercoaster of moments like this that I was still living. Of the meetings where my nerves led me to speak as if I were asking for permission to be heard. Where my resentment at subsequently being talked over built to the point where I just stayed silent. Which then led me to label others as ‘rude’ and blame them for why I was consistently passed over for someone with half the competence and twice the charisma.

There was NO WAY I was going to let Max and his classmates go down that same road. They were too bright, too vibrant, too brilliant. They had ideas worth being heard.

There was NO WAY I was going to let the future of this society be talked over, sidelined, and sink into a quiet shadow of resentment and finger-pointing.

It wasn’t until I learned how to work WITH my body instead of fighting against it that I could find my voice. And it was then, and only then, that I could speak in a way that held authority, authenticity, and power. It was then that people would lean in to listen, and finally, I felt seen, heard, and respected for my knowledge and expertise.

If I stayed quiet about all this – if I didn’t teach what I’ve learned about the body and share what had worked for me – I’d be leaving my students to navigate the same struggles I battled for decades. And what kind of teacher would that make me?

What kind of speaking coach would that make me? Because you know what? There is NO WAY I want that journey for you, either.

NOT ON MY WATCH.

Your voice matters too much. Your ideas and expertise matter too much. Your presence matters too much.

Finding your voice starts the moment you decide to stop giving up on yourself.

The moment you choose to take ownership. For every shaky, wobbly step you take –  I’ll be walking right alongside you.

Everything that helped me rebuild my own voice now lives inside two tools I’ve poured my heart into:

• The Steady Speaker eBook – your step-by-step guide to a grounded, confident voice. This is PACKED with action steps that require no equipment – just a quiet space.

• The Steady Speaker Reset Kit – a quick, effective routine for those “my body is panicking” moments. Perfect to use right before a speaking event, be that something grand like a Keynote speech, or something just as grand, like a team meeting.

​They’re both housed inside my cosy little corner of Etsy.

If you’re ready to start finding your voice – not someday, but now – you’ll find everything you need waiting for you there. If you want to just get your feet wet for now, then my free Telegram channel, the Steady Speaker Circle is the place for you. Inside there, I drop weekly voice notes of tips and techniques that have worked for both myself and my clients to speak with more grounded confidence and resonant authority. This is a great place to get to know me and how I teach before ever handing me over your hard-earned cash. I’d love to welcome you in there!